1. Can you explain what type of coaching you offer?
My focus is on relationships with a Dominant/submissive dynamic as well as those who like to explore “kinky play” at any level. I help couples and individuals discover what they’re really looking for out of these experiences and provide them with concrete suggestions on how to make them happen. Focusing on “real life” solutions to bringing kink into a relationship, I use a playful approach to keep things sexy and fun.
2. How did you come into that style of coaching?
After being a professional dominatrix for almost a decade I’ve learned a lot about how to make play happen! Many kinky ideas come naturally to me, but that’s not usually the case for my clients. I started coaching so that I could help couples feel inspired about their kinky desires and to broaden their experience of trust, intimacy, joy and connection all through their kinky playtime.
3. Are you looking for a certain type of client?
I coach people at all levels, whether one partner is trying to introduce kink into the relationship for the first time or both partners have been playing for a long time and need a refreasher or some new inspiration. Regardless all of my clients walk away with an actionable plan to reach their sexy, kinky goals.
4. Please list any individuals that have influenced you in your practice?
All of my learning is self-motivated. Unfortunately there hasn’t been a strong mentoring process in the kink world, either for pro-domming or this type of coaching. I read a lot about psychology and relationships, communication and avoiding procrastination. Then I take those ideas and extrapolate them into a kinky experience.
5. What is one piece of advice you could give to professionals just starting in the field of sexuality?
Read, observe, ask questions, make notes and realize that the sexuality world has a lot of moving parts. Find the niche that suits you the best and focus on it. I’m a big believer in being a master of one subject rather than a jack (or jill J) of all trades. You can also use some of the great online learning opportunities such as Fetlife.com (although take a lot of that writing with a grain of salt, there are many people on there claiming to be experts that are anything but). I also run two websites that are great resources for sexuality professionals, KinkAcademy.com and PassionateU.com where you can watch videos featuring techniques and concepts by many of the most respected names in sex/kink education.
6. If you could recommend only one book for our readers, what would it be?
I have to pick just one?! For those looking to get into kink specifically, Dr. Gloria Brame’s “Different Loving” gives a good overview of the most frequently pursued kink experiences. Through anecdotes it’s a great introduction into the kink experience. You can check out her website here http://www.gloriabrame.com/
Originally posted on SPECTRA written by Lucy Lemons
Awesome, Kali, thanks for sharing! Always great to learn more about you!
Thanks for this.
I find the idea of a kink-specific relationship coach to be really fascinating. Do you find you get a lot of people who are stuck-in-a-kinky-rut? Is it more “How do we take our dynamic to The Next Level” (and then you get to have fun finding out what “the next level” means to everyone involved)? Thoughts?
I get both levels. The “How do I get this whole D/s thing started in my relationship?” to the “Ok, we’ve been doing this forever…what now?”
Part of what I love about coaching (and what I loved about being a Pro Domme) is that opportunity to muck around in someones head to help them find the next step in their path of experience. It’s so different and there’s always something new to think about, it keeps me fascinated :)
Oh, yeah! Mucking around in people’s heads is *awesome*! :-D