“Fearlessness is not the same as the absence of fear” by Seth Godin

Fearlessness is not the same as the absence of fear

The fearless person is well aware of the fear she faces. The fear, though, becomes a compass, not a barrier. It becomes a way to know what to do next, not an evil demon to be extinguished.

When we deny our fear, we make it stronger.

When we reassure the voice in our head by rationally reminding it of everything that will go right, we actually reinforce it.

Pushing back on fear doesn’t make us brave and it doesn’t make us fearless. Acknowledging fear and moving on is a very different approach, one that permits it to exist without strengthening it.

Life without fear doesn’t last very long–you’ll be run over by a bus (or a boss) before you know it. The fearless person, on the other hand, sees the world as it is (fear included) and then makes smart (and brave) decisions.

Tara Mohr Talks About Mentoring (handy resource)

So I just had a coaching session with someone fabulously Woo (Sofia Wren, if you’re interested) who pointed me towards the blog of another life-coach type – Tara Mohr. And Tara has a post up about Mentoring With Excellence.
Some of it is stuff we’ve discussed on Kink Leaders before (teaching with anecdotes or from personal experience, but being up front about doing so), some of it is new material. I particularly appreciated the explanation of “coaching questions” and how they work.
Anyway. Since mentoring is a sort of one-on-one, open-ended (Socratic Method?) type of teaching, and since a whole bunch of us are on the educator path (by the looks of things), I though I wouldn’t be the only one who found it helpful. Consequently, I’m linking it here.
Go forth and read. :-)
Ms Syren.

Kali Williams – Kink Coach [Interview]

1. Can you explain what type of coaching you offer?

My focus is on relationships with a Dominant/submissive dynamic as well as those who like to explore “kinky play” at any level. I help couples and individuals discover what they’re really looking for out of these experiences and provide them with concrete suggestions on how to make them happen. Focusing on “real life” solutions to bringing kink into a relationship, I use a playful approach to keep things sexy and fun.

Continue reading

Graydancer – Educator & Founder of the GRUE [Interview]

Originally posted on BeASexEducator.com

How long have you been teaching

That’s kind of a loaded question – I’ve been teaching in some capacity or other for pretty much since childhood, from Sunday school to Marine Corps Practical Knowledge to music lessons to dance & technology workshops at the University Level. But I started working in the Kink field around 2002-2003, first just as a volunteer at various conferences and then gradually as a presenter.


When did you start to identify as an educator? Was it the same time, or was it later?

I honestly don’t remember my first “presentation”, but I remember very clearly the moment when I walked out of an “Intro to Kink” workshop thinking “I could do that…

Continue reading

Dr. Ruthie – Educator [Interview]

Originally posted on BeASexEducator.com

How long have you been teaching?

I began offering sex education in 2000, during an undergraduate college internship at a women’s health clinic. I first began teaching about sexual well-being professionally around 2003 and it has become a bigger part of my life every year since!

When did you start to identify as an educator? Was it the same time, or was it later?

I believe it was in 2005 that I first started thinking of myself as an educator instead of a volunteer or outreach worker. It was at that time that I began teaching about sex and gender as a guest lecturer in University classrooms, and that somehow legitimized things for me. Of course, now I realize that one doesn’t need to teach at a school to be an educator.

Continue reading

Raven Kaldera on Power Exchange, Movements, and Activism

Hi Friends,

Just stumbled upon this post and I thought it had some great things to say about power exchange as a viable relationship choice, and not necessarily kinky; kink as a movement; and ways to be activists in the world and immediate community.  Hope you enjoy!

Keynote for the 2013 MTTA Retreat

First, I want to thank you all for being here, and I also want to thank Master Taino for his tireless persistence in creating space outside of the BDSM demographic for people to focus and concentrate on living healthy power dynamics. I’m incredibly grateful for all he does to make space for this subject.

Today you probably thought that you were getting a speech from Raven the woo-woo guy, probably on something spiritual. While that does describe my workshop tomorrow, tonight — in spite of the shaman coat, surprisingly — you’re actually getting Raven the activist. And I want talk to you about the past, and the future.

Continue reading

Taking the First Step–Call for Suggestions and Support

Hello Beloved Kink Leaders!

It’s been so quiet on here lately!  I’ve missed your voices, feedback, and reflections!  I really hope to see more of you engaging the posts, and I challenge you to start sharing your own resources and ideas as we move forward.  We have so much to offer each other!

In that spirit, I’ve recently been moved to take a pretty big step in my local Kink community, and filled with excitement and fear, am beginning to meditate, pray to the goddess, as well as think and write about my goals and intentions.

I’ve attended local munches and noticed that while there are small patches of youngsters and newbies at the munches, there is no real safe space for the next generation of kinksters to share, explore, and educate ourselves about how to safely, ethically, and responsibly engage in the Kink community.  As many of you have noted and observed, there is a palpable tension between the older and younger generations so I am WELL aware that I am about to step into a pretty icky energetically-charged territory.

I want to start a TNG (the next generation) group here in Palm Beach county.  There are some things I’d like to do before I start, such as 1) talk to my husband, and figure out what I can give in terms of time and commitment, and how this will work for my family. I am going to reach out and set up meetings with leaders in the local community–from both munches, past TNG leaders, owners of the local kink-friendly fetish store etc., to get a sense of the community, its resources, and any suggestions.  It is EXTREMELY important to me that this new group be a part of the current community–not segregated from it, and one of the themes I want to directly address with the community is the way in which the older and younger generations MUST work and learn from one another.  I plan to invite “elder” members from the community to present and teach at our meetings, and I also want to work to empower younger members to step up in the community and create groups and events that reflect their interests, needs, and passions.

I plan on taking at least a month to do all this pre-work, reflection, and praying, and then, post a call for interest on FL.  I want to have an initial meeting to see who is interested and actively plan and brainstorm as a group what we want the group to be, and find out the needs and interests of the attendees.  I’m really not sure quite where to go from there–is it customary to have people in formal leadership roles in these groups, or is it more informal?  As the group founder, I by no means want to be a dictator, but have had negative experiences where everyone is trying to run the show, or (in less formal situations) where no one takes ownership/pride/responsibility and the whole thing dissolves/falls to pieces.

So I am putting all this out here in request for your love, support, words of wisdom, and any experience you may have with this sort of thing!  I am feeling a lot of excitement and terror right now!

Thank you for reading and sharing your responses!

Goddess Inanna